" Hey Jingis, let's go get a movie at blockbuster" and Jingis replies " Can we go to another blockbuster instead of the one you go to, that is where I got mugged and I'm not comfortable with that one yet " I'm not going to force Jingis to go or nonchalantly arrive at that location simply because I am ok with it.
(Mental note: Just because we think it and feel ok with something does not the mean the world does or should comply)
Let's explore other scenarios..
As a massage therapist, I am trained to manipulate the body tissue and perform stretches and ranges of motion that can stretch even your feet by working with your head. But being conscious of others feelings towards touch and their bodies, I MUST ask if there are any areas they do not want touched. When they express to me that they DO NOT want their feet, buttocks, or head touched I do not say to them " Well you should want them massaged because they are just muscles that all connect and its silly to pay for a session and not get the entire massage." I simply respect their level of comfort and leave it be.
When a person has a different setting of comfort than you, lets say the setting is not at the same level you are at, then you come down to their comfort level; you do not force them to come to yours. If I am not comfortable with you bringing someone into my home or mentioning someone; out of respect you do not bring them up or involve me with them in any way. Talking about them or trying to drop by with them is very disrespectful and an obvious demonstration for the lack of awareness and respect towards my comfort. Many times people desperately try to convince themselves that people have made amends, have changed or seen the light. That in itself it fruitless because you should not be so concerned with another persons activity; this is not knowing your place to start. But if a person has wronged someone, hurt them, intentionally abused or taken advantage of them you DO NOT bring them up, involve them or make them part of your circle- especially when the uncomfortable person has clearly expressed their feelings towards that individual.
Anything less than honoring ones level of comfort is SELFISHNESS. We are only concerned with how we feel about a situation, or person so we disregard others feelings, others history and journey of emotional development. We walk into their minds, their space and become parasitic, energy vampires that feed on their feedback once they constantly express to us that they are uncomfortable. The absent minded individual might argue, start a conflict or debate and try force someone to come out of their discomfort; and this is a sign of CONTROL. That is why often when we express our true feelings of discomfort some become DEFENSIVE because they seek to control situations or others.
Here we tap the ground floor, the very foundation of their operating, their movement and functioning regarding the person, place or thing is out of control. Days, weeks, months or even years may go on and people will cling to very unstable situations or relationships because it is a small dose of control that satisfies the ego. And if you question the existence of the ego in such cases, examine how emotional one gets if you remind them of why you are uncomfortable with their drama in your space.
To get respect we give respect, not on the premise that we don't care about a persons comfort and only wish to gain but that we truly know from personal experience how it feels to be disrespected. When we reserve ourselves, do not interfere with our cerebral fidgeting or try to mentally overpower people who feel vulnerable by our actions, we are not only honoring someones comfort but we are respecting ourselves. For the deepest actions that outflow from the reservoir of personal energy within reflect the quality of love, respect AND the relationship you have with yourself. A person who does not love their self will not care to accept, tolerate or love others. Just as the love they feel in life about others is only a reflective quality of the love they have manifested for themselves. Feelings like love do not come from stimulus and response, they come from tightly woven strands of insight and realization that we develop overtime by penetrating through the layers of our basic self to reach the inner self.
So become aware how you operate in the world, the power of your word; what baggage you bring wit you and how you may unload it on others. If someone is uncomfortable with something you do or say, respect them. Because arrogance and stubbornness to keep pressing on with matters that continue to make others uncomfortable does not hurt anyone in the long run.. it hurts you.
